For Better Or For Worse? (Jan 2013)

The winds of change are often unavoidable; it’s not unusual for them to come and go as the seasons themselves pass. The phenomenon itself typically goes hand-in-hand with another concept we struggle with, for which the Germans invented quite the one-word mouthful –“Vergangenheitsbewältigung.” Put simply by various sources, it is the idea of “struggle to come to terms with the past.” It is a process, in essence by which history must be overcome. We must loosen our clutches on something we were once used to, while exchanging it for something we have little to no experience of. A process, ultimately calling for us to step entirely out of our comfort zones and into a zone of unfamiliarity. No map, no directions, no nothing but mere verbal persuasion that a better existence awaits. Sometimes, not even that. It’s about free-fall, which is absolutely terrifying. What if you jump too early, and you’re under-prepared? Or too late, when you’re more subject to that uncomfortable, apprehensive, nervous feeling such that you can’t handle the coming of impact? What if the parachute is defective, and you plummet into a state of panic wherein all reason and rationality are out of sight?

The one consideration that often pulls us through these phases of doubt and indecisiveness is an analysis based on whether or not, from any/all angles of consideration, the change is for better or for worse. In some cases, however it is too hard to create a truly accurate picture of what future would unfold without suppressing the anxiety, overdosing on faith and taking the leap. Without leaving the tendency to “what if” behind. Without letting anyone ultimately dictate the decisions that must be ours and ours alone. Without running for the hills at the sound or sight of change, just because we instinctively associate it with the negative end to an era.

The truth behind it all, which sometimes only becomes evident in hindsight, is that there is such a thing as good change. To share a piece of my personal story, I am admittedly nothing like who I was just two years back. The reasons why aren’t necessarily relevant for this particular discussion; the only thing that matters is that I emerged as someone I believe is better. As a result of changes (some in and some out of my control), I have become more of the daughter, more of the sister, more of the friend, more of the good samaritan and more of the compassionate human being than I have ever been before. I was never a monster, don’t get me wrong but I was once someone that the Zara today would not even be able to understand. I’m young, granted and so change is all the more likely but it all becomes so much easier when you feel yourself becoming someone you really want to be. Suddenly, things really start to come together.

Thanks to change, I have developed relationships with more distant (physically) family members that I didn’t have before. Thanks to change, I have learned to trust but to also build walls when and where appropriate; before these “transitions” occurred within me, my heart knew not how to protect itself. Thanks to change, I have come to appreciate and more than that, to hear and draw from the immense wisdom of my elders. Thanks to change, I have recognised that there is nothing in the world more important than family. Some very close friends have, over the course of almost 10 years, become a part of that grouping but they are a carefully selected few who have known me for what would seem like a lifetime. Thanks to change, I have been able to let myself want things that I once thought I could never have.

All my life, I have been blessed enough to have lived in a safe little haven. A bubble wherein precautions were taken and prices were paid to ensure I was not leading a difficult life. For that, I am eternally grateful. However, this does not mean I know not what it means to face challenges. I do, as do we all — big or small aside. I would be nobody, and nowhere without them. At one point, I had lost sight of everything that ever meant anything; through a period in high school I lost my faith, my religion, my moral compass, my conscience, my loyalties, my loved ones because I pushed it all away. I lost myself. But in order to truly “find” many things, we must first lose them. One cannot miss any entity, if it never leaves. Often, it is just as much about figuring out what you do want as it is about discovering what you don’t.

Ultimately, I still fear change. It is a normal, human reaction to ask a million and one rational (and irrational) questions before ever even considering another alternative to what already exists. To what we know. To what we are accustomed to. But, we must keep our minds open and allow ourselves to entertain the possibility that what is new may not be synonymous with what is wrong. There is much merit in many traditions but some must, when appropriate, be adjusted, updated and even replaced.

Each day, we must evaluate ourselves. Where we find inconsistencies, discrepancies, flaws, dissatisfaction (with the self or the situation concerned), we must accept that it will take a change to reach an inner peace. It will take leaps (some seemingly impossible) and bounds galore. It will take tolerance and patience to push through that initial fear of free-fall. It will take immense courage to withstand inevitable criticism from someone or another, and unwavering faith that the choice made will yield the best of outcomes. It will take, more than anything else, passion and drive. One must desire a goal (requiring change) wholeheartedly because it is the very vision of positive results, that will be the impetus through the most challenging moments.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” -Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

~ by Silent Revelries on January 10, 2013.